/cv/

Here is my CV$CV

The board for professionally rejected anons

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Anonymous (OP)No.4041969

> be me
> unemployed for 10,735 days
> launch a coin instead

▊

/biz/ - Business & Unemployment » Thread: /cv/ general #1

File:sad_lonely_loser.png (69 KB, 750x1080)Anonymous (OP)07/15/26(Wed)04:20:00No.4041969

Subject: I made a CV so bad I turned it into a coin

> be me, professional job seeker
> 10,735 days since a callback
> degree in making unemployment look easy
> decided to stop applying and launch $CV instead
> mfw the coin has more employment than i do

anyway here is my CV. PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB. or a bag. either works honestly.

Anonymous07/15/26(Wed)04:22:00No.4041970

>>4041969

> op is literally me

> applied to 4,382 jobs

> got 0 replies, 1 rejection auto-email

we are gonna make it bros

Anonymous07/15/26(Wed)04:26:00No.4041971

>>4041970

kek imagine having a job in this economy

i just hold $CV and cope

Recruiter (LARP)07/15/26(Wed)04:28:00No.4041972

>>4041969

> sees your CV

> "we'll keep your resume on file"

translation: it is in the trash anon

Anonymous07/15/26(Wed)04:20:00No.4041973

checked and based

the tendies will pay for themselves once $CV moons

BUY $CV • BE UNEMPLOYED TOGETHER • 1,000,000,000 SUPPLY • LAUNCHED ON PUMP.FUN • PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB • BUY $CV • BE UNEMPLOYED TOGETHER • 1,000,000,000 SUPPLY • LAUNCHED ON PUMP.FUN • PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB • BUY $CV • BE UNEMPLOYED TOGETHER • 1,000,000,000 SUPPLY • LAUNCHED ON PUMP.FUN • PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB •

$CV — THE COIN FOR THE UNEMPLOYED

▊

Anon reacting to huge news for the unemployed

> ticker

$CV

Designed 100% for the unemployed, the ghosted, the "we'll keep your resume on file" crowd. One billion tokens. Zero interviews required. If your CV won't get you hired, at least your bag might get you paid.

LAUNCHED ON PUMP.FUN

TOTAL SUPPLY

1,000,000,000

$CV (one billion kek)

JOBS SECURED

and counting downward

LAUNCHPAD

PUMP.FUN

fair launch, no cover letter

TAX

we are already broke

UTILITY

COPING

financial + emotional

TARGET AUDIENCE

THE UNEMPLOYED

you, specifically

[ BUY $CV ON PUMP.FUN ][ CHART (COPIUM) ]

/help/ - CV Helpdesk Terminal » ask the bot, cope in real time

C:\Users\anon\Desktop\get_a_job.exe

CV-BOT 3000 [Version 4.0.4] (c) Unemployment Corp.

Connected to /cv/ helpdesk. You are anon #4,382,905 in queue.

cvbot> Ask me anything about your CV, career, or existential dread. Type "help".

try:

/news/ - Breaking Unemployment News » LIVE

BREAKING: local anon applies to 12 jobs, receives 12 automated rejections in record time ••• REPORT: "we'll keep your resume on file" confirmed to mean the recycle bin ••• STUDY: 9 out of 10 recruiters ghost faster than a Tinder match ••• ECONOMY: tendies prices soar, basement rent stable at $0 (thanks mom) ••• BREAKING: local anon applies to 12 jobs, receives 12 automated rejections in record time ••• REPORT: "we'll keep your resume on file" confirmed to mean the recycle bin ••• STUDY: 9 out of 10 recruiters ghost faster than a Tinder match ••• ECONOMY: tendies prices soar, basement rent stable at $0 (thanks mom)

SOURCE: trust me broVERIFIED KEK

Watcher Guru tweet about US unemployment rate rising

> anon reads the news
> unemployment rate rising
> mfw the total addressable market for $CV keeps growing

HUGE NEWS FOR THE UNEMPLOYED

▊

[ Rolling headlines ]

> BREAKING: local anon applies to 12 jobs, receives 12 automated rejections in record time
> REPORT: "we'll keep your resume on file" confirmed to mean the recycle bin
> STUDY: 9 out of 10 recruiters ghost faster than a Tinder match
> ECONOMY: tendies prices soar, basement rent stable at $0 (thanks mom)

/r/ - The Résumé » PROF*SSIONAL SUMMARY

EXHIBIT A: the CV (unedited)

Curriculum Vitae — Anon

(The Sad Lonely Unemployed Loser)

> Acknowledges his sad, lonely state. Realizes he has no options. MUST HAVE A JOB NOW

> Relevant Experience

Freelance Keyboard Warrior

4chan Boards • TFW No Job – Present

* Demonstrated advanced meme creation (Giga Hood Cat variants).
* Expertly utilized greentext ">" for narrative structure.
* Maintained high-volume crying-screaming reactions (AAAAAH) in threads.

Full-time Tendies Enjoyer

The Basement • Lifetime

* Streamlined tendies microwave reheating process for efficiency.
* Achieved personal best of 50 tendies consumed in under an hour.
* Specialized in maintaining specific BMI for basement comfort.

> Skills (verified by mom)

Advanced Crying100%

Keyboard Mashing98%

Greentext Storytelling95%

Identifying "Based" Content91%

Intermediate HTML42%

Actually Getting Hired0%

PLEASE GIVE ME A JOB

/wall/ - The Rejection Wall » Catalog view

>a museum of every company that said "no thanks" (or said nothing at all)

R: 9999 / I: 1REJECTED

GOOGL said no

> kneel outside HQ with printed CV

> security asks me to leave

> "we found a stronger candidate"

it was a rock. the candidate was a rock.

R: 4200 / I: 1GHOSTED

AMZN said no

> show up to prime HQ

> drone delivers my rejection faster than 2-day shipping

> "please maintain high standards"

anon has no standards left to maintain

R: 0 / I: 1PENDING

ANY JOB said no

> apply everywhere

> refresh inbox 400 times

> nothing

still holding out hope (and $CV)

/faq/ - Frequently Anon'd Questions

>Is $CV going to get me a job?+

No. Absolutely not. But neither did your 4,382 applications, so at least this one is fun.

>What is the total supply?+

1,000,000,000 $CV. One billion. That is more than the number of jobs you will be rejected from (probably).

>Where do I buy?+

On pump.fun, anon. It is a fair launch. No cover letter required, no references, no ghosting.

>Is this financial advice?+

It is a meme about being unemployed. If you take financial advice from a crying soyjak in a CV shirt, that is a you problem. DYOR.

>Why is my CV censored like "PROF*SSIONAL"?+

Tradition. Also the word "professional" is triggering to the chronically unemployed. Respect the culture.